The Male Hysteric

I feel like such a dumbass... I have so much writing to post backlogged but I can't bring myself to edit it properly. I've been having so many problems in terms of mental health issues that I've just been opting to knit instead. I just mostly feel like screaming, like my skin is on too tight. Something is wrong and it's hard to describe and hard to figure out what to do. I'm overcommitted at school and in writing groups and can't focus at work. I didn't really sleep last night. There's something wrong with my appetite and I'm not sure what. On top of this, it's just plain too damn cold, and only going to get colder.

Good luck with that polar vortex, everybody. Stay safe.

I wrote these thoughts down about a month ago and am only now getting to posting them. I am current with the books of A Song of Ice and Fire, though that's not saying much considering the release schedule. I have no interest in watching the TV series after the first couple episodes, and I've heard that a lot of people have a hard time watching it because it’s too dark and depressing.

ASoIaF is the example critics usually give for the genre of “grimdark”, a genre whose definition is pretty loose, but is generally characterized by its relentless pessimism, or what some consider to be “realism”. Liz Bourke gives a compelling definition for grimdark in her review of The Dark Defiles by Richard Morgan: “"Grimdark" is a shorthand in modern fantasy literature for a subgenre that values its gritty realism, and that attempts to overturn long-established heroic tropes. […] for me its defining characteristic lies in a retreat into the valorisation of darkness for darkness's sake, into a kind of nihilism that portrays right action—in terms of personal morality - as either impossible or futile.”  She goes on to elaborate, “I think it's a nihilism that many people find comforting: if everything is terrible and no moral decision can either be meaningful or have any lasting effect, then it rather absolves one from trying to make things better, doesn't it?” Further criticism of the genre points to its use of brutality of marginalized people as “realistic” backdrop as exploitative and catering to the fantasies of the (typically white, young, male, heterosexual, cisgender) audience is pretty damning. Because of this, genres to counter the popularity of grimdark have taken on a tone of moral crusade. First was the concept of noblebright, the exact opposite, where good can absolutely triumph over evil, and then hopepunk, which asserts that good isn't a destination but that rightness is an action that should be aspired to. Bloggers who write at length about these two genres argue that they have enough “darkness” in their lives that they don't want to see the descent in depravity that they've seen in real life reflected in their fiction, as well.

I'm going to be honest. I don't really like any of these genres. I don't like the broad pro- or anti-morality stance of either of them. And I have a probably controversial opinion:

( Grimdark is not cynical enough. )

I've just finished watching what's on Netflix of the She-Ra cartoon. Wow! I have many questions. But I think the most important question is, when does the next season come out?

I have been on a very stressful vacation for the past several days, spend New Years Eve on a crisis hotline, and am currently running a low grade fever that's being kept at bay with ibuprofen. Nevertheless, I have started my 100 short stories challenge and plan to start writing about it when I have about five read or so (I've read two so far). I've also got a long post in the pipeline that I will post when my brain has cleared and can get other eyes to look at.

So I guess what I mean to say is that I'm still alive, but probably need help. What else is new. I'm going to try to get some sleep before I really regret it tomorrow morning.

I just finished a short story I liked, "The Lost Art of Twilight" by Thomas Ligotti. It's about a spooky artist so of course I would. But the thing is, how do you even go about reviewing a short story? I read it in Songs of a Dead Dreamer and Grimscribe, but I can't recommend the whole book because I don't like all of them. It's hard to point out where to read this particular one because it's not online, and it's hard to say anything more than it's about a spooky artist because it's so short, so saying much more would give away too much. So... I guess I am not entirely sure what to do with this information when I read a short story I like. That's part of what makes the whole thing difficult.

But then, maybe not. Novels get tossed around so much. Maybe a short story can just be if it's any good, and we can just leave it at that.

I’m wondering if maybe I should introduce myself before going full throttle with essays in this blog.

Hello, my name is Louis, and I am 26 years old. I live in the United States. I write stories that can broadly be considered science fiction, fantasy, and horror. I post to twitter a lot, so I’m likely to keep shitposty entries here to a minimum because I already have a place for them. During the day, I’m a programmer. I have a bachelor’s in linguistics and math and am working on a master’s in cyber security. I have a round orange cat who I love very much. I occupy myself with craft projects and really like stationery. I lift weights and know I need to do more cardio. I’m Jewish, but I wouldn’t consider myself to be very good at it, but I guess that’s why we call it religious practice. I tend to bloviate. I cry a lot.

Relatively recently, many of the older members of my family have died, and some younger ones have had serious health problems. I am navigating difficult psychological and health issues right now, though none of them are life threatening, thankfully. I’m not likely to talk about them here. I could probably say something about this being why my posts are perpetually dour in tone, but that would be a lie. The fact is that’s just the way I am, have always been, and it seems unlikely that it will change in any substantial way in the future. But maybe it will. I have been going to a lot of therapy sessions.

Right now I am taking a break from most things. I’m convalescing from completing 2018’s NaNoWriMo (stopped, not completed, at 50,013 words), and my excuse is that nobody ever gets anything done in December, so why should I?

Well I guess that’s enough about me. Please enjoy a picture of my cat.