The Male Hysteric

I will not apologize to my own blog for not updating. I will not, I will not...

Anyway. Currently cupbearer twinks is off and science fiction dissociative issues story is back on. Please do not ask my logic of how I decide what projects to work on. I don't know. I have diagnosed ADHD.

I've also been looking more on neocities and retro web stuff. I have also become a bit more involved in mastodon. I am thinking I need to get into RSS somehow to keep my sanity as Twitter continues to deteriorate. It LOOKED LIKE as of December 2022 Dreamwidth was looking at becoming compatible with ActivityPub, which would mean that people would be able to subscribe to my DW on their mastodon feeds if they wanted to, which would have been VERY exciting and would probably lead to me posting here a lot more... but alas, I have no idea what DW staff are up to and they seem to implement features very slowly -- this feature was first recommended all the way back in 2018 and they were hemming and hawing about privacy features but I'm guessing Twitter blowing up kind of put a fire under them with this. I still do not know if it will ever be implemented though, or if it is, if it will happen in a timely manner. Crossing my fingers.

I am still looking into using neocities to create a more permanent home for some of my writing (primarily essays at this point) rather than just blog updates. However building a static site, though they're quite stable, is a significant time investment and it would mean having to differentiate between what I want to post where, which is difficult enough given how diffuse social media networks etc are. But still, there's something about having control. However, looking into it, I am getting seriously sidetracked by all the shiny things. Like oh, I need a good layout, do you remember tile backgrounds? I need to design a button! What about a guest book? etc. It probably doesn't help that I am getting weirdly heavy nostalgia looking at all these sites because of how much making stuff like this was my pretty early childhood (like, legit, elementary school. I had a weird childhood). The concept of smol web is so fascinating. There are so many complex retro websites designed by teenagers who weren't even alive when this stuff was the norm. I don't know. It's a lot.

I do want a lightweight web presence that I can call my own (even if it's on neocities, static pages are pretty transferable). I WILL get it working eventually. Maybe. I don't know.

For better or worse I have been getting into enneagram stuff. I am a 5, apparently, if that's not obvious from this blog. There is a lot of, uh, what I can best describe as processing going on in my life right now and this helps, maybe. Some. It's confusing. Every time I think I've figured it out it keeps pulling me back in, you know.

In the meantime I am looking for a new job and looking to move to a safer state. Even if this is constantly occupying my mind, I don't really want to talk about it, unless you can actually hook me up with remote SQL jobs. Then please contact me.

I have... been busy?

1) I'm preparing for a surgery in the middle of June. My pre-op appointment is tomorrow and I'm super nervous. I was concerned that this would leave me out of the Pride festivities but it seems like they're still canceled due to COVID and I know of at least one that's been rescheduled to September, so I should be okay to go by then.

2) I have been busy... weaving? Yes, weaving. My friend loaned me a table loom but I've bought my own inkle loom which is what I've been using mostly because of all the instant gratification it can give. I've sold some items at a craft show and am going to be making items for a booth at that September Pride event, though that's exciting. Given the nature of Pride and items that you can make on an inkle loom I'm going to be experimenting with harnesses and the like.

3) I've gotten into the Castlevania cartoon, and after all of Covid I actually kind of want to write. I think making me want to write is a very high compliment for any form of media so I have to say good job to it.

4) I'm still working part-time at my current job and am looking for full-time. I really, really need full time so I can move out again. I am thinking database management, given my experience and that people don't seem as crazy looking for people who eat, sleep, breathe their work outside of work hours for database as they do with, say, programming.

I do programming but I'm honestly not a programmer... I don't enjoy it and it's not something I would want to do in my free time. I appreciate some separation of work and pleasure even though I am working on craft as some supplemental income and that's been one of my main joys during the pandemic. I am still hesitant because craft seems very "shit where you eat" and is generally not very lucrative. However even with an education and experience like mine it's getting difficult to support myself with only a "normal" job and it seems like it's only going to get harder. If I actually start an online shop I will be sure to post something about it... but right now my inventory is all keychains, lanyards, and yardage and honestly not very exciting. I'm hoping that with my new shipment I may be able to make harnesses, suspenders, collars, jewelry, etc. I think the mercerized cotton might appeal to more people than the unmercerized stuff I've been working on. I will probably eventually post pictures.

5) I'm extremely disenchanted with twitter, even though I'm still on there all the time. Maybe I will convince some of my mutuals to make a community here, or on discord. It really is a cesspool.